A Dream Within a Dream

I just woke up, but felt I needed to write it down while it was still fresh in my mind.  This isn’t the first time I had this dream now, it came to me many times this last week, but it was more profound this time.  A dream so powerful, you just have to wake up, and ponder about the experience you just had.

I went back to Japan.  I saw my friends.  I shared tears with teachers I worked with, one telling me “I have no life now” while I quickly responded: “Me too.”  We didn’t bow to each other; we gave hugs.

I went to Tokyo.  I went to Ina.  I saw friend after friend, and I cried with each one.  I had the same conversation with each of them: “You’re the smart one” and congratulating them on escaping the rat race I seemed to have fallen victim of.  I even monologued my final blog entry before I left this life of Zero job interviews, 6 month winters, and a life of mopping floors and cooking french fries: “Screw Canada” (in more colourful language), before signing off.  I went through 5 years of university to escape this kind of existence.

I remember I even wondered during the dream: “Where is Ann?”  I thought I was just stopping over in Japan quickly before I headed to Thailand.  Instead I found myself at the farewell ceremony a year later, 2 months from now.  I saw my students again, all happy to see me.

I felt respected again.  I felt self-respect again.

I suppose there were more dream parts, like a shaky airplane landing and eating Japanese food, but what I mentioned earlier were the parts that really stuck with me.

What the hell am I doing in a Country that doesn’t seem to want me, one that makes my fiancé cry from its rejection letters and would make her wait up to 5 years before coming here? (They can still reject her, even when married) Family I guess; I’m just lucky I have a good one.

I know this entry was supposed to be a positive one; either I found a good job or I went to Thailand to see Ann.  I’m guessing you know how the job hunt is going in this ‘booming’ province, and plane tickets would be a minimum $1400 expense, not to mention the cost of just being there.  Instead, I bought her a computer for her birthday, which ended up being cheaper.  It will help her with her school and now we can see each other every day atleast.

This time last year we were having champagne for her birthday and went white water rafting together on the weekend.  I'll always remember how she smiled and laughed as we got splashed and paddled around, surrounded by friends.  We even had a romantic kayak experience, just the two of us.

This year I'll be cleaning tables and flipping burgers.  Just like the last 10+ weekends before that, constantly wondering when I'll catch my break; there is no respite.

Suddenly teaching English in Thailand doesn’t seem like a bad alternative considering what I’m doing now with my life.  That’s what my friend Dougal is doing now with his masters degree in Computer Science because his fiancé couldn’t come to Canada either.  While I’m there, I could try networking and finding Engineering work like I aspire for.

“Everything happens for a reason.”  Maybe the reason I can’t find work here is because I’m suppose to go elsewhere and actually make something out of my life.  Japan Tony would probably kick this Tony’s butt.

A country that won’t let Ann visit, isn’t good enough to have her.

"All life is a chance. So take it! The person who goes furthest is the one who is willing to do and dare."  -Dale Carnegie 

tnoy