Avoiding a Retcon

Typing up my last entry, I knew it was depressing.  I knew I should have just sat on it and later possibly delete it once I had more time to think about what I was publishing to the world.  It wasn't until I met my aunt for breakfast when she told me: "I normally look forward to your blogs, but now I don't know." It really hit home that I had gone too far.  There are enough depressing things in life without having a dose of it from something you normally may enjoy.

I know my blog is called my "amazing adventures", and I should try to stick closer to that even if it means fewer updates.  I understand I am going through a rough patch in my life, and that is why I won't delete my other entry.  Not only do I think it's a good piece of writing, but it will be something I will look forward to reading again one day.  I don't know when, but one day when things are better, I can look back on it, and feel better about how far I've come.  Hopefully I will be able to say then: "That's when I hit bottom" before I got things turned around.

I'm lucky to have a job, as tough as it may be.  I'm blessed to have a large, and loving, family; through its ups and downs.  I'm also extremely grateful I have a beautiful, loving, understanding fiance, who's strength and knowledge I draw from constantly.  No matter what I'm going through, or how bad things could be from here, she has lived it and worse; possibly why she is the most amazing person I know.

When she was little, her alcoholic dad came home around 3 in the morning, kicking them out onto the streets where they slept for 2 days.  She told me it was the only time she's seen her mom cry.  She couldn't go to high school because her family couldn't afford it, and she cried for 3 days.  She has a cigarette burn on her arm from her dad, given to her when she was young.  Against the wishes of her family, she left the father of her son because he was an alcoholic, and she didn't want that life any more. Instead she went to Bangkok alone where she worked for years as a nanny, where she had to learn basic English out of necessity, just so she could afford to send her son to school and keep her mom fed.  She worked so long and hard, that she could only see her family maybe once a year.

If Ann could live through all that, yet she can still smile like she does, laugh without a care, and live with such passion, then who am I with these little problems?

Everyone's life has trials and tribulations.  Everyone has their own problems.  This is my fire, this is my burn.  Even if I get scarred, life will go on and I will be stronger and smarter for it.  I hope in the future I will share with you more of what I learned, and less of the burns.


"Don't let the past steal your present." Cherralea Morge

tnoy